Saturday, July 13, 2013


It has been brought to my attention by several people that overweight individuals should not wear bikinis.  I would like to call a huge BULLSHIT on everyone who says that.  If you have the confidence to throw on a two piece and relax on the beach or at a public pool, then "DO YA THANG GURRRL!". Don't let other people's insecurities put a damper on how you feel about yourself.  Just because some skinny girl wouldn't have the confidence in themselves to wear a bikini if they were 100lbs heavier doesn't mean you have to feel the same way.  Maybe it is because I struggled with self acceptance my whole life, but whenever I have seen anyone, skinny or plus sized, wearing a bikini or skimpy outfit, I am in awe.  It is wonderful for women of any size to embrace themselves and if that means walking down the street sporting a two piece then "Go You!".

One more thing...
Excuse me, women, but how about instead of us adhering to the unattainable beauty standards being forced on us every day through the media, we give each other a helping hand. Instead of saying, "Oh girl, you need to cover up that midsection.", try extending a compliment.  If you can't find it in your heart to compliment someone, then do the next best thing, shut your mouth.  If you can't help someone's self esteem, the least you can do is not bring it down.

If it's a man's world then us ladies need to stick together. Am I right?

Monday, July 8, 2013

Someone Special

I am notorious for making bad decisions. From spending too much money to dating losers, I've covered a lot of bad decision making ground.  However, sometimes, I make a good one. Arguably one of the best decisions I have ever made was going to Gilmar's house in December 2012 after rekindling our friendship.  We started spending a lot of time together, talking, watching movies and playing video games.  We became best friends fast.  I visited my older sister, Alexis in North Carolina in January.  I have a fear of flying, I always text everyone in my family that I love them very much, just in case the plane explodes. While I was finishing up my "In case I die please remember I love you very much" text I was sending to my dad, I decided to send Gilmar one too.

While I was in North Carolina, I fell in love I didn't want to leave, I started looking for apartments while I was there but reality set in that I need money in order do that so I told Durham, NC that next time I came, it was going to be a permanent stay.  I was laying in the guestroom and decided to text Gilmar, asking him to take the 3 day road trip with me from Arizona to North Carolina when I was ready.  He said, "Of course. I will be sad that you will be leaving, but at least I could spend 3 days with you."  I laid there with my phone on my chest thinking. My mind was in overdrive. I shot up, my phone flew off the bed, "Shit, I like this kid."

7 months later, we are still best firends who talk, watch movies and play video games I just call him my boyfriend now.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

The 1, 2, 3's of saving (ACCORDING TO A SHOPAHOLIC)

Saving is suppose to be easy, but I find it as difficult as Superman found it to break General Zod's neck.  Basically, I am trying to break the neck of my bad spending habits.  I am saving to move out of state to Durham, NC.  My older sister, Alexis lives there and I miss her (She is also pregnant and I desperately want to be involved in Baby Ben's life, not to mention Durham smells really good) Here are some Do's and Do Not's that I have found through trial an error that kind of work for me.

  1. Create a vision.
    I find that for me, saving is a huge challenge.  It is a challenge because I like to reap the benefits of hard work right away (hence why dieting never really works for me).  When I get the urge to by something outlandish like a Totoro bed or cardboard cut out of Fox Mulder, I remind myself where I want to be in 6 months.  I tell my boyfriend Gilmar around the same time everyday, "I hate living in the desert, I want change, I am miserable here." (I know, I feel equally as bad for him) Reminding myself why I made the decision to move reminds me of why I need to save some of my money.  If visualizing why you are saving money is too difficult make an inspiration board and hang it up where you can see it everyday. I have to admit, it is much easier said then done, but using this technique I have stopped myself from buying $150.00 clip in hair extensions from Amazon 3 times, so it is worth a shot.
  2. Make your savings hard to get to.  
    I am a sneaky person by nature, I honestly believe my spirit animal is a raccoon. When I first started saving I found myself transferring money from my savings to my checking, $30.00 here $50.00 there.  It didn't take long for me to notice my savings was decreasing faster then it was increasing.  I solved my problem by opening up a savings account at a separate bank, I just transfer money into it every paycheck.  When I am shopping and I "REALLY, REALLY" want something I have to ask myself, "Is it worth a trip to the bank to withdraw the funds to pay for it?" The answer is always, "No, its not."
  3. Sale your S&#*% (Stuff)Moving from Arizona to North Carolina alone is extremely nerve wracking.  The thought is enough to put me into an anxiety comma for at least a week.  While I was sitting in my room trying to figure out how I was going to be able to afford such a huge life change I realized, "Man, I have a lot of shit." Excuse my language but its true, I have a lot of random, weird shit.  That's when it hit me, "I'll sale my shit."  I know, this isn't a ground breaking idea, a lot of people sale their stuff when they are moving or when they are in the need for cash, but for a shopaholic it is a huge break through because, we love our stuff. I have a DVD collection that fills up 2 and a half 24 gallon boxes, 2 laptops, 15+ iPhone chargers, ghost hunting equipment that never caught any evidence, more shoes then I remember buying, dressers, end tables, 3 lamps...etc. I decided to sale some items, not everything but some of it.  Not only does it help me reach my goal, but it is less STUFF for me to worry about moving.  Try it, at least take some clothes and shoes to a place like Plato's Closet, selling your stuff can be scary but just keep your vision and savings in mind.
  4. Ask other people how they save.
    Lately I find myself asking people how they save their own money.  I use to never bring savings up to anyone because I was embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't have a nest egg.  I don't know if it is my age or the fact that I accept my financial incompetence, but I have no problem asking anyone how they save.  So far, the best two tips I have been given were, "Treat your savings like a bill and incorporate it into your monthly expenses." and "It is important to pay yourself, any time you get extra money put it in your savings." It is solid advice and conversation starter!
  5. Don't be so hard on yourself.
    I have already messed up a few times.  It happens, don't beat yourself up about like I have. This is a learning experience and you are teaching how to have more self control.  It is going to take time to master it.  So, just breath.

The Universe

I am sitting here with a moisture hair mask on (Macadamia and Ion in case you were wondering) eating Raisin Bran contemplating my purpose in the universe.  I tell myself that this is normal, everyone sits alone late at night wondering if they were suppose to be the person to cure cancer or possibly the person who was suppose to build the first DeLorean time machine, but instead I am sitting here eating Raisin Bran.

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I want out of the universe, here is what I have so far.

  • Love
  • A family of my own
  • To live in another state
  • Be happy
  • Become a cosmologist.

I am starting to accept that we are not all meant to do something BIG in the universe.  Some of us are suppose to do something small, but I guess, we just have to make that something small count.